Blood and Guts: Helena Lazaro

Man, I was wasted last night. On accident.

After two glasses of wine on an empty stomach (I fully intended to eat
dinner at some point, but forgot), I was all warm and fuzzy.

I listened to Abbey Road like three times. It kept tripping me out because my mp3s are in track listing order, and for some reason I have duplicates of the songs toward the end of the album. So it would segue from Golden Slumbers to…Golden Slumbers. Nothing pisses me off like Abbey Road out of order. It has to be the way it is. I think it was about 11:00pm and sometime during the third listen (probably right around Sun King) when I decided to recline on the sofa.

I woke up at 3:30am in exactly the same position I’d passed out fallen asleep in. Turned off the lights, shut the computer down, and eased into bed. Oh, first I drank like three glasses of water because I had cheap-merlot mouth.

And then I couldn’t fall asleep.

I swear to god, only I could go from sound sleep to insomnia in the span of three minutes and ten feet. I considered moving back to the sofa, maybe there was something about its velvety softness that had made the sleep come. But about an hour later I was out.

My premature and unintentional sleep meant that I didn’t get a chance to post a couple of things I’d meant to.

1)I was on NPR yesterday! It was a few weeks ago that I was interviewed for this piece on the Hawkinson show at LACMA (which was totally badass and I loved, and you should go before it leaves…I want to go again the last weekend). Adam heard it and told me. I asked if I sounded like a dork, and he said No, you sounded like a cool museum-goer. But I listened to it today, and I think I totally sound like a dork. Plus, the interviewer introduces my bit by saying, “Viewers like Helena Lazaro gape in amazement.” Gape? I think that was an overstatement of my reaction. I’m about halfway through (3:54), if you care to hear my nasally, annoyingly-high pitched voice. That’s how it sounds to me at least. This is one girl you will never EVER find doing a podcast.

Which brings me to my second point.

2)I want to Podcast my mom. At least once, maybe on a recurring basis if it is easy enough and she agrees. I currently have one phone message on my cel that is perfect. If anyone has suggestions on how I can turn a phone message into a file, and/or the best way to post it, I’d love to hear it. Also, I don’t know the first thing about podcasting, as I’m really rather reluctant to adopt the format. If there’s a good tutorial anyone can recommend, I’d love that too.

I have another tale from the vault I’ll be posting later. For now I am going to eat my tacos and sit down to read the story that Bill wrote. Yes, Bill wrote an actual story back to me, per my request! How rad is that? I’ve been saving it all afternoon, and I’m going to relish it now. With tacos.

In case you haven’t already heard of the sensation that’s sweeping the blog-nation (I REFUSE to say blogosphere), let me enlighten you.

Shane Nickerson is hosting a photoshopping contest. Worf cover bands. The pic to the left is one of my favorite entries. By Rarity. There is an official photo album here. And if you don’t piss yourself laughing, you must be a Vulcan or something.

*Here’s my lame attempt! I should note that I’m a photoshop novice!